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Old 23-03-2005, 01:33 PM   #1
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Default The Simpsons Black board Quotes

Ok, i know everyone watches the simpsons here. I thought it'd be fun to collate a list of the blackboard quotes that bart writes up in the intro screen.

I know there is a whole Sh!tl0@d of funny ones, but i can't think of any to get the ball rolling. Please if you can, please have the exact wording of the phrases. I'm curious as to how many of these exist.
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:37 PM   #2
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"My butt does not deserve it's own website"
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:38 PM   #3
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http://www.snpp.com/guides/chalkboard.openings.html
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:44 PM   #4
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well so much for the fun in this thred!! Great link though!!
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:45 PM   #5
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I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "FIRE" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way trough life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe *
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attittude
I will not make flatuent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
I will not sleep trough my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafetaria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not delightfully saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical **
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard trough the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choise
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
This is not a clue...or is it?
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I will only do this once a year
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to move asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
The truth is not out there
I am not licensed to do anything
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I no longer want my MTV
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
I did not invent Irish dancing
I will not tease Fatty
There was no Roman god named "Farticus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
Pain is not the cleanser
Silly String is not a nasal spray
I was not told to do this
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not demand what I'm worth
I will not mess with the opening credits
I am not the new Dalai Lama
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail adress
No one cares what my definition of "is" is
I will not scream for ice cream
I am not a licensed hairstylist
"The President did it" is not an excuse
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
Sherri does not "got back"
I will not do the "Dirty Bird"
No one wants to hear about my sciatica
Hillbillies are people too
Grammar is not a time of waste
It does not suck to be you
I cannot absolve sins
A trained ape could not teach gym
Loose teeth don't need my help
I have neither been there nor done that
I am so very tired
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:46 PM   #6
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Is that enough for ya?
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:46 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dansedgli
Bwahahahaha bloody hell dan, that killed this thread pretty quick LMAO
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Old 23-03-2005, 01:52 PM   #8
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http://www.thesimpsonshomepage.com/b...rdenglish.html

Sorry rayman
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Old 23-03-2005, 02:03 PM   #9
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no worries, i thought it was going to be fun, everyone watching the simpsons each night, then posting up a new quote.... but no, it's spoiled now.... just kidding, will check that link out.... just goes to show the internet has so much useless cr@p on it.
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Old 23-03-2005, 02:07 PM   #10
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anyone seen the episode where patty comes out of the closet? and homer is imagining kissing himself... is a crack up... i dunno if it's been screened here yet.
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Old 23-03-2005, 02:20 PM   #11
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Damn, i reckon it would take someone awhile to think all those up.
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Old 23-03-2005, 02:52 PM   #12
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Quote:
anyone seen the episode where patty comes out of the closet?
I think it has been on. There was an article in one of the newspapers or something months ago about a character being gay, but I missed the episode....
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Old 23-03-2005, 03:26 PM   #13
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Forgot one..

The school nurse is not a dealer.
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Old 23-03-2005, 05:01 PM   #14
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tis sweet having every episode on this computer (up to season 16 and still downloading every one when they come out)

It took us 3 1/2 weekends on watching simpsons NON STOP to get through them all.... man, that took alot of drinking
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Old 23-03-2005, 05:03 PM   #15
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Where do you get them from? Ive been trying to find episode for ages!!
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Old 23-03-2005, 06:29 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *rayman*
Ok, i know everyone watches the simpsons here.
I don't!!!
I've never watched an episode. and I don't intend to start watching anytime soon.
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Old 23-03-2005, 07:03 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feathers
I don't!!!
I've never watched an episode. and I don't intend to start watching anytime soon.
:lookedat:
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Old 23-03-2005, 07:56 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masters24
tis sweet having every episode on this computer (up to season 16 and still downloading every one when they come out)

It took us 3 1/2 weekends on watching simpsons NON STOP to get through them all.... man, that took alot of drinking
I would of stopped watching after season 11. Sadly it's all down hill from there.
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Old 23-03-2005, 09:04 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenaz
I would of stopped watching after season 11. Sadly it's all down hill from there.
Agreed, the new ones are terrible.
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Old 23-03-2005, 09:31 PM   #20
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I got all my copies off the Uni network.

The new ones aren't too bad, but they aren't as good as the classics.
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Old 29-03-2005, 11:09 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dansedgli
Where do you get them from? Ive been trying to find episode for ages!!
torrentreactor.net
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Old 29-03-2005, 11:19 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masters24
torrentreactor.net
Hehehe, I was going to suggest the same thing. Bit torrents are cool, and it's amazing what you can find...
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Old 29-03-2005, 11:20 AM   #23
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How do torrents work?
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Old 29-03-2005, 11:36 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dansedgli
How do torrents work?
http://dessent.net/btfaq/ should answer any questions you or anyone else might have.
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Old 29-03-2005, 03:35 PM   #25
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Don't take much notice of the blackboard.

But the funniest closing credits I'll remember always. It's my fav episode actually.

Where the Simpsons house sit Monty's mansion?
The closing credits Homer in the background saying to the effect of "Look at all these rich people! All so rich. Look at em! Oh, he's not that rich... But these guys are!"
Then the cinema, where the woman "Shhhh"... And Homer: "Don't Shhhh me you rich bastard!"
Hahahaha. Love it!!
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Old 29-03-2005, 08:35 PM   #26
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just now..

"SPONGEBOB IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE"
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Old 29-03-2005, 09:05 PM   #27
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LOL

Just now


I WILL NOT 'Bart starts chopping the blackboard with an axe ?' :
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