Put some jokes here (non dirty)

[trick_xd]

It was time for Father John's Saturday evening bath
and young sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the
bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at
Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever
he told her to, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene
how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister,"
said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked
the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked
me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided
my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord
keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now," said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that
if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven
would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation
and eternal peace and then Father John guided his Key
of Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact," said the old nun more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the
pathway to salvation was often painful and that the
glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy.
And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told
me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for
40 years!"

[trick_xd]

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next
day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chooks.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went
flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Emily raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers
too,but we raise chooks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen
eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to
this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.

"That was a fine story Emily. Mick, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Linda. Aunty Linda was
a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She
had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a
machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it
wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy
troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of
bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade
broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your
father tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the f*** away from Aunty Linda when she's been on the ИИИИ."

[Blue Oval Mopar Man]

Osama bin laden and a whole army of taliban fighters are walking along one day in the hills when they spot an Aussie soldier who gives em the finger and hides behind a small hill ! Osama sends 2 of his crack asains to kill the Aussie !

They disappear over the hill , there is a few shots , a bit of a struggle and then screams of pain.Then osama hears the Aussie yell out , that they were pathetic! An aussie would easily be 10 times better than any taliban fighter. so Osama sends 10 of his crack assasins over the hill . there was a lot more shooting , struggling and screams of pain before Osama heard the Aussie . This time he said "Correction, 1 Aussie would be better than 100 taliban fighters!"

This time Osama sends 100 of his crack assasins over the hill . After more of the shooting stuggling and screams go Quiet Osama hears ! " Another correction, 1 Aussie is better than 1000 taliban fighters !"

Osama has had enough of this so he sends the whole 2000 strong army of killers over the hill , and an almighty fight erupts ! This time there are are hundereds of shots fired , explosions sword fights , lots of painful screems until finally one fighter manages to crawl back over the hill mortally wounded while the fight rages to report to Osama ! When Osama asks what happened , the fighter says, " He lied , there are 2 of em over there ! "

[xbcool]

a maths professor sent a text message to his wife of 25 yearsthat read,


"Dear Jane you must realise that you are 54 years old and are no longer able to satisfy my needs in the bedroom, by the time you read this text I will be in at the Hilton Hotel making love to my 18 year old assistant,I will be home at midnight,_your husband john"


soon after arriving at the hilton with his assistant john received a text from his wife,


"dearest John you also are 54 years old and by the time you read this text I will be in the arms of our 18 year old pool cleaner ,and being the billiant maths proffesor that you are you will know that 18 goes into 54 more time than 54 goes into 18 DONT WAIT UP!!_ JANE"

[gozza]

whats round and angry

a vicious circle

[jzab]

q. What's brown and sticky?
a. A stick

q. What do you call a girl who sets fire to all her bills?
a. Burnadette

q. Why did the dinosuar cross the road?
a. 'Cause chickens weren't invented yet.

q. How many men does it take to wall-paper a womens liberationalist's office?
a. It depends how thinly you slice them.

q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
a. 2, one to get the camel and the other to fill the bath with custard.

Dislexics untie!

[351buzz]

A bloke and a giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. After a couple of hours they're both blind drunk, next thing the giraffe falls off his bar stool, flat onto his back, passed out. The bloke gets up to leave when the bartender yells out "hey mate you can't leave that LYIN' there". Bloke turns around and says " It's not a LION, it's a giraffe".

[gtfpv]

If You Are Lebonese This Is Just A Joke And No Offence Intended . I Can Laugh At Myself So You Should Too.


What Do Leboneese And Smokes Have Incommon . ????
Answer ::: They Come In Packs Of 20 Or 30 And Are Barred In Pubs And Clubs.

[gtfpv]

Originally Posted by trick_xd

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not
realising that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In a few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that .... that is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit
in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again, you're in my closet now

IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF THE PRIEST SAYS ( IN THE LAST LINE) HOW MUCH!!

[Hitman]

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.

The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry, there’s a sale on at the shops. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

__________________

[Hitman]

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea.

It plainly marques four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eyes dry khaki and tie pa word and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write, it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid, it nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the err or rite, it's rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it, eye am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh, my chequer tolled me sew.

[Hitman]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"

[Hitman]

Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's *** if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky".
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. (45 minutes?!? Must have stopped to have a beer or three...)

[Hitman]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning"


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle

of next week!"

4 My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."


6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7 My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."



9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"



10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a cyclone went through it."


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't

exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."



14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who

don't have wonderful parents like you do."



16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."



17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"




18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you keep watching the tv, you'll get square eyes."



19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your jumper on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

[Hitman]

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?"

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined
face 'was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School. "Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine."
he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1962. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-ИИИИИ asked, "What did you teach?"

[Hitman]

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for

weeks and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping

for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar,

they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the

distance.



As they get closer they can see that the tree is draped with

rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy

bacon, life giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.



"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke "Ees a bacon tree! We're

saved!"



"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and

runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But

as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound

of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.



His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to

the dying Pepe.



"Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa, hombre?"



With his dying breath Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run!

Ees not a Bacon Tree! Ees a... Ees a..."



"Yes, Pepe? Ees a what..?"



"Ees... a... ham bush."

[deesun]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep
them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were
ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped
into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of
San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the
two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take
these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, but we had money left
over---so

now we're going to Sea World.

[Hitman]

GOD - FROM THE DOG:



Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one
another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still
the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him,
is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember
- to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it
up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like
the way they smell.

3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although
they are
tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's
license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying
"hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the
coffee
table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house
- not
after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when
we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

[BA_BOSS]

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK

[Ringo]

***BREAKING NEWS!!!***

Elton John has filed for divorce:
==========================
Apparently he found out his new husband was having sex behind his back!

[Ringo]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.!

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought ! it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.

[Ringo]

In Pharmacology, most drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix,
and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this
a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "ИИИИtails," and
"highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of:
"MOUNT&DO."

[Ringo]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the road eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate. He asked one of the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
The poor man replied "We don't have any money for food, so we have to eat
grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and you can eat as much as
you like" the lawyer said.
"Thank you sir, but I also have a wife and two children with me. They are
over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he
stated, "You come with us also, and bring your family too"
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
asthe limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the
lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will really love my place.The grass is almost half of metre high."

[Ringo]

The Italian Lover and the Blonde

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favourite
bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom
and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
"So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned and admitted,
"No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making
resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams
of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles,
and again he asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles
closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the
young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he
barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming,
bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man
falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks
into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I'm
Norwegian."

[Ringo]

Mother Superior was addressing the nuns in the convent.
"Sisters, I have to inform you we have a case of gonnhorrea in the convent"
From the back row, a doddering old nun calls out
" Thank goodness, I'm so sick of chardonnay"

[Ringo]

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex and by birthright, all Jewish women are entitled to at least one climax during sex. So they went to see the rabbi. The rabbi tells them to get a young, strong, virile young man to wave a towel over them while they are having sex. This, the rabbi says, will cause the woman to climax, so the couple tries it. After several attempts, still no climax.

They go back to the rabbi. The rabbi says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel. They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming earsplitting climaxes, one after the other.

When it is over, the husband smugly looks down at the young man and says, "You see, schmuck, THAT's how you wave a towel!"

[bjr22n_]

Must be read out aloud

A man went to a zoo.
It only had one animal.
It was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.

[ebxr8240]

Found on south Sydney beach...

[bjr22n_]

lol, they look stoned. lol

[Steve's TS50]

Voted Best Joke of the Year in New Zealand:

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you.