[xpvanman]

Thanks guys for your input.

Really don't know what the next option is...

Before she died, we had a few talks in regards what she wanted me to do for her after she gone -

1) Finish off the old house (We had a rental that was half finished) - Done

2) Look after her cats - Done

3) Be there for her daughter (she regards me as her dad - her real father vanished from the scene years ago with no contact since ) - this is another problem...

As her mother and her was very close, she has gone totally off the rails...smoking, taking drugs & hanging out with guys in their 30's - she is 21 now and will not listen - there is nothing I can do in regards to this - and I feel like I have let my wife down.

4) When I thought I was ready, she wanted me to move on with my life, but not to forget her - that will never happen. I thought I will try this option....boy is there some mixed up women out there ! 1 seemed ok - but if she got depressed she would really wig out - then try and find the solution at the bottom of a wine bottle...Banish that one ! Another one had breast cancer 6 years ago...instant alarm bells ring ! she had been clear for the last 4 years, so ok she could be a friend.... she gets a call from her doc one day...yep cancer is back....cannot go there again...

So both of these experiences have really made me miss what I once had. But the question I have been asking myself this week is -can I afford to potentially lose somebody else in my life ? or if I stay single the rest of my life - die a lonely old man with a broken heart ?

I had a mate suicide at the beginning of the year from a very trivial matter. His life was so easy compared to mine.