[BA-XT]

Really good thread... will have helped a lot of people.

I'm 37. Born in 1981. My depression / anxiety is slightly different. Mine wasn't Brough on by a life event. I've had episodes when I was 9, 14, 17, 19 and a few smaller ones. I used to get feelings of nausea and couldn't eat... wouldn't sleep for days.... lose weight. I'd walk around at night... didn't know at the time but it was the "fight or flight" instinct kicking in. Mum took me to so many doctors until it was finally diagnosed correctly.

Dad had cancer and passed away 3 weeks before I came along.... so the general thought is the stress mum went through pasaed into me.

I was seeing a physchiatrist at age 9. Was in antidepressants and again at 14. Prozac for 6 months then Prozac and eventually Zoloft in January 1999. Had an episode again in 2001 and been on cipramil since.

The side effects I have from this aren't great. And tbh quite embarrassing.

What's the most natural thing that comes to humans? Sex and intercourse. I'm not able to have sex. Never been able to. Despite now coming off th m slowly and maintaining a reasonable diet and gym routine.... doesn't matter. End result is the same. Never works. I've given up now. Come to the realisation that there are so many people are worse off than me. I'm a bit slow... a bit cloudy but can hold down a job.

Luckily I have a very understanding partner.

Recently I'm down to half a tablet three tims a week... but I've given up trying to come off th m. Anxiety is a killer. Constantly worried that I'll be alone.... I have no friends now. I tried to keep in touch... but they did th marriage thing and have families of their own.

I only have my mum as my immediate family. She has plenty of friends and is quite sociable. I'm fairly quiet and don't like large crowds. So I have my partner and mum. What if I'm all alone? What would I do? Who'd want me?

Imagine meeting someone and having to tell them you have trouble having sex? This has haunted me all my life since I went onto cipramil.

Mum said to travel... join groups...

I don't drink or smoke.... I'm quiet and nice to people.

Depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Unlike some illness the symptoms can be so far spread between different people. It seems some people can recover from it... while others are living it every day. It's a horrible thing. The only good to come of it is that's it's more widely recognised and understood.