Quote:
Originally Posted by creative
Tried to reply to this thread a few times.... but always deleted it.
I'm still kicking.
On meds now which have helped and they have started to help me be a lot more rational. I have been like a YoYo... high, low, high, low all in the blink of an eye and anything and everything set me off. I couldn't cope so made the call to the docs. First set he put me on I lasted a week, the side effects were not worth it. This latest one is much better and is allowing me to be rational again.
I have done alot of reflection during this time and I am starting to see the root of the issues I have.. and its hard. I am exhuasted from it tbh... constantly thinking about it all, trying to understand it, how do I fix it.... many times I try to switch off but my brain just doesnt allow it.
Im still doing things to occupy my mind and it helps.
I am also assessing my health. During this time I have become acutely aware of how I have been feeling physically. Whilst my lifestyle isnt particularly bad i am officially a "fat man in a skinny body" I have diabetes in the family so that's a factor and I also have extremely high Cholesteral ( again runs in the family). Normal is 3 - 5, potentially severe health issues is anything over 7.5.... I'm 11! 
Am I happy?... not really but at the same time I'm not sad. Its a strange feeling. |
I think I know how you feel. I deleted my first post several times. I wasn't sure how people would receive it. I'm always thinking what someone else would think. But after pressing the send button it felt better. I know some people will always disagree, but that's fine. So if you think it will make you feel better just send it.
I haven't had a lot of experience with meds. I was put on meds when I first arrived back to Australia, it was to deal with my anxiety. It was a med that I can't even pronounce. I hated it. Whilst it subdued the negative effects of my feelings, it also subdued the positive effects. I was neither happy nor sad....just nothing. I was on it for a couple of months then I threw it away. I understand that is not an option for some people.
Last night I downloaded an audio book by Mark Manson...The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fk. I let it play in the background whilst I went to bed. Took some valuable thoughts away. One being - work out what you really care and value in life, then treat everything else as just noise. He didn't exactly say it that way, but that is what I interpreted. Its a nice philosophy.